I can ignore it most of the time. When I'm on stage, or in a crowd that I know feels safe and they're all cheering for me, I'm never hungry. I was never hungry when my sister was alive either.
[her hand trembles a little]
But sometimes when I've been alone for too long or something else, I don't know what it is, I need that breath of life. Just a small amount. I promise I've never taken more than I needed to. Not willingly.
If you're not wanting to hurt others on purpose, or take enough to cause them harm...then, well, what is the harm? You're not bad simply because your hunger is like that.
[ What a strange thought; even White Rum had flippantly accused her of harboring a darkness no one could ignore. But here, a priest was telling her she could be good, even with this hunger]
You speak with such certainty.
[She hangs onto that hand]
I wanted to be good for so long. But every person since I got sealed only wanted me to kill or ruin lives of good people.
You're not the first I have encountered with "hunger".
[And she won't be the last. Hansa offers a gentle squeeze of her fingers.]
Just because you were surrounded by awful people doesn't mean you're the same. A diamond still shines when it has been thrown in the trash. You just need to find a place that accepts you for who you are.
I had a place once. It was beautiful, even in the endless rain. I loved everyone there. But they're gone now. Every single person I loved. [Hunger had come back with a vengeance then, until she could think of nothing but.] It feels easier to just run away to a place where no one can find me. I don't want to start again.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 10:00 pm (UTC)[...]
I can ignore it most of the time. When I'm on stage, or in a crowd that I know feels safe and they're all cheering for me, I'm never hungry. I was never hungry when my sister was alive either.
[her hand trembles a little]
But sometimes when I've been alone for too long or something else, I don't know what it is, I need that breath of life. Just a small amount. I promise I've never taken more than I needed to. Not willingly.
[not willingly being the key word]
no subject
Date: 2025-11-17 11:09 pm (UTC)[He won't let go of your hand.]
If you're not wanting to hurt others on purpose, or take enough to cause them harm...then, well, what is the harm? You're not bad simply because your hunger is like that.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 09:38 am (UTC)You speak with such certainty.
[She hangs onto that hand]
I wanted to be good for so long. But every person since I got sealed only wanted me to kill or ruin lives of good people.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-18 01:07 pm (UTC)[And she won't be the last. Hansa offers a gentle squeeze of her fingers.]
Just because you were surrounded by awful people doesn't mean you're the same. A diamond still shines when it has been thrown in the trash. You just need to find a place that accepts you for who you are.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-19 09:59 am (UTC)